A ruminative Birthday

Yet another year of my defined existence rolls past. This birthday, however, I took some time to sit back, and while sitting at my Think-Table, in a far away country cottage, look out of the window at the cool blue sky, and ponder on where my life is leading me. I have read a lot many authors who have tried to define life. The views are largely subjective. There have been Subjectivists, Objectivists, Nihilists, Poets, Doctors, Philosophers, Leaders, Men who have fought wars and won, Warriors who have ventured into battles and lost… the list is endless. Each one has their own view of life.The question however is, who is right? Or more so, is anyone right at all ?

“Birju Bhaiya” aka “Diwan saab“, brews my tea in the kitchen.

I started reflecting on the events in the past that have placed me where I am. Some which I had control over. Some which I could not or did not want to control. Some events where I mistakenly trusted people to take control of. And yet others which were deliberately ruined by people.  Reflections on the past make me think about the future. The shape of things to come and how I must work towards a goal to make it happen. Make anything happen.

So who defined LIFE correctly?

My perspective is that everyone is right and yet no one is. How is that? Well, everyone in their times was right when they put forth the meaning of life. He/she felt something and associated it with their life and wrote it on paper, orated it in front of a huge audience or simply whispered it to a dear one on their deathbed. It is not to be believed that a humble farmer who gives his son advice on how to lead a good life, is any different from a person who has seen the world and distills his experiences to a huge audience on television.

Sitting at my Think Table, thanks to Birju Bhaiya for setting it up, (the pic on the right) and sipping my Think Tea, I present here my take, on ( my? ) life.

My take.

There is no U-Turn

Yep, no looking back

Life to me is a one way road. Some people fly along the highway, some drive along it. Some walk and some simply drag along the road. The road of life has infinite milestones. These are one-way milestones too. Once you reach a milestone, you might look back at the innumerable ones that you have left behind. You might see yourself taking a path that should not have been taken, doing a thing that should not have been done, saying words that should never have been said, but you can’t change it. There is no U-Turn. And since the road is one-way, you cannot drive in reverse gear either. You can stop at a milestone and keep thinking over and over about where you would be had you taken that road or this path, but you cannot put that into practice. You drove along the path that you did, and took your own decisions. Even if you did not, you are still responsible for the things that you did. YOU are responsible for your own condition. YOU are responsible for your own misery or for your own happiness. But you cannot drive back. The past is like a transparent bullet proof glass. You can look into it and feel whatever you feel, but you cannot break through it. After all, you did what you had to. You were given a chance.

You decide your own paths

Take your own path...

Let’s for a moment forget that “circumstances don’t always permit…” stuff. The truth is that “we make our circumstances ourselves”. I agree that many a times one might be inclined to think that “circumstances just don’t favour me”. And that we have to bend to the circumstances. But do we realize that we create circumstances ourselves? The reason why people blame circumstances is that they are not brave enough to admit that they have to bow down to circumstances. It takes courage to go against the circumstances and stand up for what we think is right. It takes audacity to stand up to something that we know is right. And never ever give it up. People who blame the circumstances are just cowards. Plain simple cowards. We decide the path we take. And no one else. It does have consequences, which we know beforehand. So, whether we take a particular path or the other, is just a question of courage. It’s just a matter of attitude that some people just bow down to circumstances and crib, while others create their own opportunities and accept the results of their own actions. Whichever path we take, each path is a mini-life in turn, there is no looking back. After all, again, you were given the option to choose. There are circumstances that we create on purpose, of our own will and later deny them. We use people and things to our own advantage and then completely deny it. We use resources, we deny someone their rightful ownership and at the end of it all, when we get what we want, we still crib.

That reminds me of Peter Keating from The Fountainhead, who has had all that he ever wanted, through all the means that he ever had, and yet he is sitting by the fire and staring at the emptiness inside him. He knows that his life is leading nowhere. Even if he keeps making all the wealth he can, using all the people that he has been, his life at the end will draw up a single blank sheet of paper.He has missed a part of his life and can never regain it. He felt elated when he crushed others to move up where he was. Though, what is worse is that he is intimidated by someone who has nothing. Nothing but attitude that is. Roark.

Even if we stand still and look back, life moves on. Time doesn’t stop for you.

That is what makes us what we are or how we lead our lives. Simply put, what do we do when we drive along this road called life?

Who am I?

Question Mark

Yeah, right. The question of who am I has been pondered upon and (maybe) tackled by Aristotle (who studied under) Plato (who studied under) Socrates, and many many more, all in their own style. You might have a version of yours too.

On this road called life, it doesn’t matter who we are. A pedestrian or an ace driver of a Porsche 911. It is what we become at different stages of our journey.

Do we hitchhike anyone we see? Or do we just splash them racing along a puddle? Later only to find that our own vehicle is stained as well. Do we joke at those who have been left behind, not seeing that there are many others above us? Or do we lend them a helping hand?

Well, depends. Humans after all are a selfish species. There are people who will live in mistrust, always doubting the ones around them, and lead their lives that way. They wont really have a blank sheet of paper at the end of their lives, their sheet of paper will read: Who is that? Why did you do this? Who am I to you…? And so on. Questions that never had to exist, if only in their psyche. They lead a life in doubt. And those doubts are never clarified. And they die in doubt too. The shadow of an unreal dilemma that never leaves them satisfied. And one day when they look back at it all and ask themselves (or their GOD) “Who am I?” They get the answer: “Nothing”. The answer is not “No one” its “Nothing”. They become what I say, when I feel the utmost disgust for anyone: Hollow People.

And then there are other types of people. People who selflessly pass on their gifts, their talents, their wealth, their emotions. They give themselves to everyone. They live on for eternity. And when, on this road of life, they reach a STOP sign, GOD (or whatever you believe in) steps down to them and asks: “Who are you?” And then they laugh loudly. A loud satisfied laugh. And they answer: “Who am I? You can see me in my children! In the blood of that patient in the hospital! In the smiles of the beggars along the road! In the intellect of the new generation of scientists! In the eyes of a dog! In the snow of the Everest! In the water of the Pacific! In the forests of the Amazon! In the winds of the Sahara! In his laughs and his and his… In her tears and her’s and her’s…That is who I am.” And GOD has no choice but to reply “I was you, once” and take a backseat.

STOP

That is all

And this road has an end. We all know where this one way road leads. It is a sign that says STOP. The sign says much more that a STOP. It says “You have done your job.” It might also say “Now let me do mine” depending on your beliefs. It ends with a road-map of the journey you had embarked upon long ago. The road called life. It reminds us of the paths we have taken. The people we have affected. It tells us whether we still live on.

And it is at this point of time that people break down. Ironically, not because of the fact that the sign says STOP, but because of the fact that they regret not heeding the million milestones on the road. They regret that they lived their lives the way that they did. They regret that somewhere they need more time to clear their doubts, if only they could know the answer to that particular question, this particular controversy… They have been running around themselves all their lives, and at the STOP sign, they just can’t run around themselves, because they simply cease to exist. They never lived in the first place. They just existed. And when they even cease to exist, what is left?

And then there are others. Who lived the moment. Who relished whatever they had. Who lived the present and warped time and space in their favour. Those with pure power. Pure might. Pure Intellect. Pure emotion. Pure ambition. Everything that ever was, is and will be, emanated from them. To approach the STOP sign for these people is just another hurdle. They have already turned it into a stepping stone. A stepping stone to where they always wanted to be. Life to them was just an excuse to get there.

Amidst this reverie, Birju Bhaiya, sees that its getting dark and interrupts my musings “Kya soch rahe hain?” (What are you thinking?).

“Kuch nahi” (nothing), I reply, and then looking in his direction “Ek chai aur milegi…?” (Another cuppa…?)

He hollers loudly and goes back into the kitchen…