An MBA Parody

THE DEAL IS FINALISED

You are a couch potato.Imagine an ad on your local television network. “Do you want a salary hike? Do you want to be sought after by big-shot companies? Do you think your present qualification is not enough? Do you want an MBA? You have come to the right place! Presenting the Super-MBA Maker! Satisfaction guaranteed!” The only catch being that the word satisfaction is not really defined. If only…
Of course the Super-MBA maker would come with a caveat emptor. The Mr. read-between-the-lines. But the temptation of the ad and the product would be so much that Mr. read-between-the-lines can go and #**# himself. (#**# is actually HANG, but lets not kill him just yet).

Mr. read-between-the-lines doesn’t have much of a case here. All aspirants are pretty sussed out that the ends will justify the means. This manifests as a one-sided battle between the invincible salesman selling the Super-MBA maker and the meek Mr. read-between-the-lines. The salesman gives you the facts (or does he) “Top CEOs are all MBAs” he says. To which Mr. read-between-the-lines (henceforth Mr. RBTL), replies “Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates are both drop outs”. And to which our salesman retorts “Yes, one from Stanford and one from Harvard”. Though the salesman doesn’t tell you whether those were Harvard and Stanford Universities or MBA colleges… but that is another story.Case closed.

Soon after a heated discussion between the salesman and Mr. RBTL, you decide that you must have the Super-MBA Maker. The price is right! The benefits are great! “I used to hunt for a job once, now let the companies hunt me!” Sooner than soon, the salesman is an alter-ego of the couch potato. You pick up the phone and dial 555… A curt female voice on the other end answers and you place your order “I would like to order the Super-MBA maker…”. Decision taken. Deal closed.

THE PREPARATIONS

I would put the Super-MBA maker in the bedroom for near access. Our couch potato makes a similar decision. Well we need to move certain things out of the room for that… Let’s see… hmmm what shall we get rid off… well… certainly the FREE TIME and the LATE NIGHT OUTINGS and the CDs and the PLAYSTATION and the DIGITAL SLR and the CHESS and MONOPOLY board games and the TELESCOPE and the ROLLER SKATES. What about the TV? Well the TV made us take the decision to buy the product in the first place. No sir! How could we do that to the TV? What if the slaesman has a Super-Duper MBA Deluxe Add-On? Now we wouldn’t want to miss that, would we? The TV stays. The room looks too empty… Well let’s bring something in. In goes the GMAT and the TOEFL and the PRINCETON and the KAPLAN and the BARRONS and a couple of million WEBSITES and of course, how could we forget, the FINANCIAL TIMES MBA WORLD RANKINGS AND ANALYSIS. All set. We wait for the package to arrive.

THE PACKAGE ARRIVES

…annnnd here he is! The courier man with the Super MBA maker! You spotted him a mile away with your binoculars in the attic, just like a roosting eagle would an unsuspecting rodent.The doorbell rings and the courier man does the usual formalities, signature and all, a little chit chat, and the package is finally in your bedroom. Out come the safety scissors from the drawer, off goes the packing and lo and behold! The Super MBA maker!At first glance it looks like a small printer with a keyboard attached with it. There are some buttons…some wires…some paper and yes, the user’s manual…
After patiently reading the users manual and setting up the machine you finally have an understanding of the Super-MBA Maker.The working is simple. It accepts input in multiple forms…1. You can scan a newspaper/magazine article into it and it will remember it.2. You can type in a web address and it will lock-on all the information.3. You can type in queries and it will answer.
The output is in printed format, on A4 size paper.
One Warning is printed on the left side. “While using the Super-MBA maker please do not simultaneously use BRAIN.”You wonder what BRAIN is… is it that Biological Rudimentary organ of Artificially Intelligent Neohumans…? Ya…must be that. Who needs it anyway…?
You get ready for your first assignment with the Super-MBA maker. Taking exams.